These are some elderly posts saves from oblivion by myself – they were originally written for silicon village way back in 1999 – over 10 years ago now!
The mists clear slightly, revealing an expanse of desk, with several buttons on them. Immediately in front of the big desk there is a small desk, quite likely having spawned from the same tree, and it has been severely designed. Behind that desk well, there wasn’t another desk but there was certainly the type of person that possibly would be found sitting behind this type of desk. For the moment he is scribbling down several words on some paper, crossing them out and substituting the ones that managed to survive this literary onslaught.
A small demon arrives in front of him on the desktop, knocking over his pot of ink all over his papers and down onto his quite expensive looking robe.
“You stupid creature!” screamed the GuildMaster, “I’m going to have to wash it all again!”
“Eep!” replies the demon, apologetically.
“Well, I’d better clear this mess up!” He twiddles his fingers and the inkstains vanish before his eyes. He looks down on his robe and sighs, “Its a real shame magic don’t help you clean your clothes too!”. He removes his robe, just in time to find Zarabeth materialise in front of him with a wicked grin on her face.
“We must really stop meeting like this!” blushes the Guildmaster.
“Well, I can always arrange for us to meet on the haystack in the farm if you wish.” smiles Zarabeth gently.
“Eep!” the demon boggles.
The Guildmaster finally twiddles his fingers and a locker appears from mid-air into which he puts his robe. He closes the door and waits a few seconds. He then opens the door and pulls out a nice clean robe, “Thankyou” he says absently to the now fading locker as he re-wears the robe.
The Guildmaster looks at the demon and says,”You ready?”
The demon nods slowly.
“Ok,” says the Guildmaster, “let’s think how to do this… Hmmm . . . Ahh!” The Guildmaster smiles.
The demon gives a final, “Eep!” and fades away.
“Right, now he’s gone…” starts Zarabeth.
“Not now! The others will be here soon!” hisses the Guildmaster, “Anyway, it will only cause Bloodlust to get upset”
“You mean he would attack you for me? And you don’t want to die?” says Zarabeth
“Well… The first part is possibly correct, but the second… …Well I would hate to have to refuse him his quest item…” he grins lamely.
“Ooohhh! You wouldn’t!” gasps Zarabeth
“Its a possibility I Haven’t overlooked yet” he replies grimly.
“Anyway, the reason I’m here is…” Zarabeth starts to whisper to the Guildmaster…
Ten minutes later, some of the other people start to arrive. It looks like its going to be a busy evening on Avatar, with plenty of items being stashed away into poor, unsuspecting, lockers.
Zarabeth clears her throat.
No-one appears to pay any attention.
Zarabeth taps her foot…
Most of the conversations stop in limbo,except for one…
“Well Vick, you know what you need here is an expurgelated grommet flanger” burbles Optimist the Mushroom Man quite happily, knowing no-one else really has a clue as to what he’s on about.
“Well, could be, could be..” replies Vick, “But i really thi..”
“Well you know how it is don’ – Arghhhh!” interrupts Optimist, Just before the full force of a large fireball disintegrates his assumed form.
Toasted mushrooms float about before they crumble to dust.
“Humph – I hate being ignored!” mutters Zarabeth.
Optimist arrives slightly well done with smoking hair, “Ok I’ll shut up!”
“Right! You lot!” says Zarabeth, “Locker Inspection!”
Worried glances pass their way from person to person.
“However, to make it a little more interesting, I’ve decided to make a competition out of it!” smiles Zarabeth, sweetly.
Gloom tries to whisper something to Lathspell, who is suddenly disconnected! Gloom frowns at Zarabeth…
“Not me!” she says, “probably had a disconnection from the Missus”
At this point several players shudder…
“Ok you lot, sit behind the large table and then we’ll get started!”
For a moment there is an altication between several of the players, Optimist and Gloom try to occupy the same chair at the same time and have become entangled with the aforementioned chair. Bits of Chair, Gloom and Optimist stick out at various and eye-watering angles.
At this point Zarabeth is getting annoyed. You can tell, by the way smoke is coming out of her ears. “Right you two, atten-tion!” she screams to Optimist and Gloom.
Gloom, Optimist and the chair stand to attention. Zarabeth twiddles her fingers and Optimist finds himself chained to a chair. Gloom also notices that he is chained to one too, however he is gagged as well. Vick whispers something to Zarabeth, and the gag vanishes, only to be replaced by a muzzle.
Vick is getting bored, its been too long since he’s played captive.
Zarabeth announces, “Ok, lets get started – Vick, you stay exactly where you are or no captive disk when you get back…”.
Vick slinks back into his chair, looking white.
A locker appears from nowhere!
Zarabeth opens the locker, and everyone strains to peer inside it. Not surprisingly the lomah locker is black inside. Optimist whispers to Vick, “Nice demonstration of n-dimensional physics there Vick, you…” and then shuts up at a burning glare from Zarabeth.
Zarabeth pulls out a small greetings card and passes it to the players. It reads, “To the executioner, with love!”
Optimist thinks, “ummm…..”
Gloom says, “Its Me!”
Vick looks at Gloom and laughs!
BulgingPecs wonders why Vick is laughing at Gloom, surely Gloom is the bravest player on the game?
BulgingPecs thinks, “It must be either Merchant or Achelous!”
Zarabeth says, “You’re getting warm…”
BulgingPecs is visibly sweating now.
Zarabeth says, “ok, next clue!”
Zarabeth pulls out a huge bottle marked, “Sugarpie’s all purpose medicinal pleasurer and repairer”
Several of the players wonder just how this is taken…
Optimist mutters to Gloom, “I somehow don’t think Merchant will have bought that…”
BulgingPecs farshouts, “Its gotta be Achelous!”
Zarabeth claps and announces, “You’re red hot!”
BulgingPecs suddenly and spontaneously combusts, all that is left is a little wisp of smoke.
Zarabeth says, “Oops…”
Vick says, “Zara, will you stop frying people please, It’ll make the barbecue an unwanted feature at the meets…”
BulgingPecs arrives, without a tan.
BulgingPecs sniffs, “It’ll take me an age to get that brownness back!”
A camera fades in, shortly followed by JeremyBeadle.
Multiple groans are heard from those attending.
Optimist says, “Hi there JEZ!”
JeremyBeadle frowns in Optimists direction.
Zarabeth makes another locker appear and opens it…
She removes a selection of DuraSteel knives, some black cloaks and a large fluffy garrotte.
Silence breaks out in limbo, everyone is looking at the floor – except for Daisi, who didn’t know who the stuff belonged to, she she asked Dai, “Who’s stuff is that?”
Dai shifts silently up to Zarabeth and snatches his comfort garrotte off her with a loud, “Mine!” and vanishes as silently as he arrived.
Optimist tries to convey his feelings about that last departure, but he is hindered because of a microphone wedged up his nose. “Dell dot aboud dad? Id wuddent ha tdho dat hed be tdhe dype!”
JeremyBeadle looms closer with another microphone, “Lets make it a pair…Hehahaheh!”
Optimist screams!
GlooM dives to protect Optimist, but misses and nosedives into his mushroom tray. Mushrooms float everywhere! Pink ones, green ones, large ones, small ones – All totally illegal, Reagan noticed.
“Right! Its the cells for you m’lad!” he says in his best policeman tone of voice, “let’s be having you!”
Vick sneezes – he’s particularly allergic to the red spotted mushrooms, and they abruptly all change to yellow fluffy ducklings!
Optimist hides behind Coloumbus, who has just arrived, late!
“Sorry I’m late Zarabeth, but you know what the gateway traffic is like!”
Reagan hasn’t yet noticed the fact that Columbus has arrived and mistakes him for his felon! He slaps handcuffs on Columbus and fades off to the cells!
Dai, Bunny and Foedo chose this moment to make their proper arrival. The fluffy ducklings float towards them.
“Right, this is a non-assassin organised competition – We demand payment, Boyo!” Try as they might is is simply too difficult to look imposing with several fluffy ducklings floating around at head height.
“This simply is not on”, burbles Foedo, “Who organised this charade without informing us?”
JeremyBeadle says, “Charades? Ok, I’ll be Michael Aspel and we’ll call it ‘Give us a clue’!”
Zarabeth is now fuming – Several people near her are backing away and fading off – Vick vanishes quite rapidly.
Bunny bounces up to Optimist and shouts over to Dai, “Sir – thats 5 counts of GBH on this person alone! And we’ve not even started!”
Dai looks over at Optimist’s predicament and smiles, “Good!”
Foedo examines GlooM and wonders who gave him the muzzle.
Dai shouts, “Ok, our payment off each of you for this offence to our guild, is 100pbs each… Anyone defaulting on the payment and we start hacking ‘bits’ off”, he glares meaningfully at BulgingPecs.
All the players vanish to lomah to hunt their lockers… All apart from… Zarabeth!
The assassins look at her, she looks back, only slightly steaming now.
Zarabeth announces, “100pbs?” in the most meaningful way she could, by way of making the others ears ring loudly.
Dai harumphs, “Well, just for you I can give you 100 easy installments, at 100% compound interest, seeing as you’re an important dignatory and all that…”
Zarabeth purples…
She makes a curtain appear around herself and the assassins, and then the curtains close…